btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
