i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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