Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
