3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
