I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
