She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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