i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
