dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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