just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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