Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
