Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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