Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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