I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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