Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
