I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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