Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're a waste of cheezeits
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
