I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
