he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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