All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
