I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
