there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
