you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
