Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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