my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
