I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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