I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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