Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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