I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
