you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
