these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
