if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
