I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
