I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
