why didn't you poke me back
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize