She said her name was "party"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I party with great urgency now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
