i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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