just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
