My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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