the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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