I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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