I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
