yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize