Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
