In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
