the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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