If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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