i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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