I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
