Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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