Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I supernannyed him into submission
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize