I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
PANTIES FOUND
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