Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What a dumb baby whore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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