And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
