This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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