I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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