Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
