He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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