Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
