I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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