Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
