Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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