We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
