I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
