i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
