we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
