Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All the doctor said was why
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
