I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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