That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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