we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
