seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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