is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
