nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
