She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just invented taco cereal.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
