I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
